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Jokes
Trids In the quiet Trid valley lies the village of the Trids. They are a small, green people with a rich tradition and history. To one side of the Trid valley towers the Great Trid Mountain, a beautiful and mysterious landmark. In the history of the Trids, none had dared to climb it's imposing face. One day, a brave, idealistic young Trid decided that it was time to climb the Great Trid Mountain and officially claim it for the Trid village. He set about training and preparing for this great task, captivating the imaginations of the villagers. Preparations completed, the young Trid approached the local priest with a request. "Father", he said, "would you accompany me on my climb?. I need your spiritual guidance." "My son, I would love to make this journey with you, but the timing is bad. We have a fair and bingo tournament coming up, and I simply cannot leave right now. But climb with my blessing." And so, the young Trid set off on his own and began the long climb.
He climbed for days, weeks, even months. Finally, one beautiful
Spring morning, he reached the rocky summit. Gazing down on the
peaceful village, the young Trid pulled the Trid flag from his pack,
and prepared to plant it on top of the mountain. As you can imagine, the failure of the young Trid to return scarred the superstitious villagers. As the years went by, speculation grew regarding the Trids disappearance. No one would venture near the mountain, believing it to be cursed. However, many years later, another young Trid, more logical than
his fellows, realized that this fear was foolish. He, too, prepared
to conquer the Great Trid Mountain. He approached the town's Baptist
church. Pastor replied, "Brother, I would be honored to join you, but we have a potluck this Sunday, and next week Vacation Bible School. I just can't leave right now. But we'll be praying for you." So the young Trid began the climb. Like the first, the second reached the peak on a beautiful morning. Without warning, the same old troll ran from behind a boulder and kicked the second Trid off the mountain. You can imagine how the imaginations were fueled by another disappearance! For generations, no Trid dared approach the fearsome mountain. Time changes many things. The day came when modern, more rational minds prevailed in the village. The Third young Trid prepared to climb and then visited the local synagogue. "Rabbi, would you please join me in claiming the Great Trid Mountain? I need your spiritual guidance." "Sure!", said the rabbi. And the two began the climb. They reached the top, taking in the beauty of the valley and preparing the flag. But their enjoyment was interrupted by the same, ancient troll, who ran to the Trid and kicked him off the mountain. The rabbi crouched in horror, covering his head and waiting for the end. But nothing happened. Gradually, the rabbi gathered his courage and looked up. There sat the troll, looking at him curiously. The rabbi found his voice and asked the troll, "Aren't you going to kick me off the mountain, too?" The troll, with a look of surprise, replied, "Silly rabbi! Kicks are for Trids!" Patti Black A frog went to the bank to get a loan. There he met Patti Black, the loan officer. Patti asked the frog if he had any collateral for the loan. The frog said that he did, and placed an object on the desk. When Patti looked at it, she was stumped as to what it was or whether it was worth anything. Finally, she took it to the bank president, Mr. Jones for a decision. "Mr. Jones, " said Patti, "this frog wants a loan, but when I asked him for collateral, he brought me this... this... thing. I'm not even sure what is or if it's worth anything. What do you think?" The president looked at the object, quickly recognized it, and said, "It's a knick knack, Patti Black. Give the frog a loan." Clone Recently, a great advance in science took place without our knowledge.
A minister of a small church enjoyed genetics as a hobby. He had
a fully equipped lab in his basement. After many years of work,
he successfully created a clone of himself. This of course was a big problem for the reverend. His reputation
in the community was beginning to suffer greatly, as the clone would
regularly shock the congregation by uttering all manner of filth.
All efforts to cure this problem failed. So the plan was hatched. The minister took his clone for a drive in the mountains. Not realizing that anything was wrong, the clone happily carried on an obscenity laced conversation with his maker. They soon came to a scenic lookout, with apparently no one around. After parking the car, the two men walked to the edge, the pastor looking over his shoulder to make sure they were alone, the clone swearing up a storm. They reached the edge, the pastor pushed the clone, the clone fell to his death, screaming obscenities. Relieved that the task was done, the pastor turned to walk back to his car. Behind his car, a policeman had just pulled up, lights flashing. Panicked at first, he calmed himself, thinking that the officer couldn't have seen what had happened. He must have just parked in a no parking spot or something. "Hello, officer. Is there something wrong?" "Sir, I'm placing you under arrest." "Arrest? Why?" "Sir, you're under arrest for making an obscene clone fall." Steeple A painter was hired to paint the new church steeple. Scaffolding in place, the painter began the job. About half way up the steeple, the man realized that he didn't have enough paint to finish the job. However, it was extremely hot, and he was way up in the air. He just wanted to finish and go home.He had a can of paint thinner with him. So, he decided that he would thin the remaining paint and finish the steeple. After completing the project, the painter spoke with the pastor and asked him to take a look at the steeple. The pastor, disappointed with the obviously different colors on the bottom and top of the steeple, said, "Repaint, and thin no more!" Bear Hunters Two world famous hunters, one from England, the other from Czechoslovakia, went hunting in the North woods. When they didn't return to the lodge at the expected time, the locals became concerned. They formed a search party and set out for the hunters' campsite. At the campsite, everything was in shambles. The tents were destroyed, the supplies scattered. "Looks like bears," they said. Following the tracks, they soon came upon two bears, a he bear and a she bear. The bears were sluggish and had obviously huge bellies. Fearing the worst, the leader of the search party ordered that the bears be shot. They first looked in the she bear, and sure enough, found the remains of the Englishman. "You know what this means," said the leader. "The Czech is in the male." Friars The local monastery (or friary or what ever) was in financial trouble. Therefore, it was decided that the friars would have to raise money by going into the flower business. They soon became quite successful. Bob, the owner of the local flower shop, began to lose a large portion of his business to the friars. The village was small, and there just wasn't enough demand for two flower suppliers. So Bob tried to talk the friars out of selling flowers. But they wouldn't stop. He had other people try to reason with them, all to no avail. Finally, he called in Hugh, the town bully. Hugh spoke with the friars. They stopped selling flowers and started a different kind of business. The moral of the story is that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. Miscellaneous Puns A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet." |